It is obvious that blogging and giving frequent updates is not my strength. I have the desire to, but apparently I lack the self-discipline to set self-deadlines to motivate self. Thank you, Christine Lee and Jen Lohnes for your threats…er…I mean “encouragement” along the way. It is because of you that these words are now posted. Yay for dedicated, tough-loving friends. Seriously, I love and need you guys!

So, moving on to the real subject of this blog post. While I feel a major need to give an overall update on my life and highlights of the last few months, I will start by just sharing one significant revelation from my time in Argentina.

As I shared in my last post (way back in August!), my main mode of transportation while in Argentina were my legs…I walked a lot. I really enjoyed it. Each day when I left home, I walked about 10 blocks on the simple dirt roads, passing familiar scenes of houses and dogs, sounds of masonry and construction work, an occasional bicyclist, several people zooming by on “motos”, small businesses and brightly-colored fruit stands, making my way closer to the church. One day, while walking and observing all of these things, my usual thoughts were interrupted and I almost stopped in my tracks.

You see, most of my thoughts naturally ran through the filter of a 30-year-old American girl. American…one who knows the luxuries of immaculately-trimmed lawns, paved and striped roads, gorgeous landscaping and perfectly-shaped trees, flashy and well-branded business signs (with perfect fonts); workers with proper safety equipment and construction sites meeting OSHA standards; buying new products and expecting them to be without defect, depending on electricity and internet without interruption. In general, the American “normal” seems to be the strive for perfection, convenience and orderliness. If something is not perfect, it is usually assumed to be “in progress”, whether that is a road being repaired or a lawn that will be mowed tomorrow, etc. But overall the American standard is quality and perfection, right?

With this being the filter that my thoughts were going through, you can easily imagine that everything I saw while walking each day was falling below the bar of expected excellence, right? Focusing on just the landscaping side of things, I have often thought of how we are almost trained to appreciate a nicely-mowed, dark green lawn with the perfectly straight diagonal lines and no trace of a dandelion MORE than a beautifully wild field of tall grass and colorful flowers. And yet, the former requires chemical treatments and major upkeep to create this ideal “norm”, while the latter is natural yet……imperfect. Many times over the years I have wanted to change what I naturally appreciate. I want to love the chaotic, colorful, buggy fields of wild flowers and grasses more than I love the picture-perfect plain green lawns we all strive for. But I have struggled to change the fact that a nice, perfect, dandelion-free yard is appealing to me!

As I walked and was faced with so much “imperfection” in Argentina, my love for the imperfect grew. While I still appreciate the beauty of nicely-maintained landscaping (as my recent visit to California confirmed for me!), I have also come to see imperfection as a beauty of its own. The perfection we often strive for in America causes us to be high-maintenance in many, very unnecessary ways. We stress ourselves out, grow disappointed in one another, become easily dissatisfied, and often lose track of what really matters…all for the sake of trying to accomplish “perfection”.

I am a perfectionist and I value excellence. But my definition of “perfect” is shifting. While I strongly believe that God deserves our best in all that we do, I am becoming more and more comfortable with being “excellently imperfect”. What a relief that is! I think that I am also growing in grace toward my fellow imperfect human beings and appreciating the beauty of less-than-perfect things. If you can see beauty in imperfection, all of a sudden the world becomes extremely radiant and more alive right before your eyes.

I was again reminded of the beauty in imperfection this past weekend when I was searching for shells at Tawharanui beach here in New Zealand. At first I was looking for the best, whole, perfectly-shaped shells. That’s what you do when you look for shells, right? Then I remembered that even the partial shells have something to offer. I was inspired to create some art pieces using the shells…the IMPERFECT shells. As I searched, my focus shifted away from perfect shapes because I was imagining how the broken pieces would come together in all their different colors and shapes and sizes to create a beautiful piece of art. Suddenly the “stress” of finding perfect shells was gone and I thoroughly enjoyed picking up the colorful, full-of-artistic-potential “rejects” that no one else would probably ever want. I came home happy with my beach loot and I anticipate some art happening soon!

I’m grateful that my journey included those daily walks along the dirt roads of Colón, Argentina. That dirt changed me. I now catch fresh, surprising glimpses of beauty in the constant imperfections all around us. My eyes see the world differently and people are more and more beautiful to me now.

Which leads me to this song…enjoy! “Beauty in the World”

First of all, I want to thank you all for your prayers, support, encouraging notes on facebook, emails. You all have carried me through, offering uplifting words at the perfect times, praying prayers that I may never be aware of, and overall reminding me that God is my Sustainer.

My first 6 weeks here were challenging, I’m not gonna lie. In general the people here are very welcoming and loving. But the language barrier affects everything. I found myself caught in the midst of feeling incapable, insufficient, helpless and purposeless here simply because I could not fully understand conversations or know what was being discussed, both socially and in the ministry setting. I was now in a place where I did not “excel” at anything, and this was a first in my life. Learning in school always came easy for me; serving in a church where I could use my gifts and abilities…and speak in English…was a sweet spot. Now, I found myself feeling lost and in a whole new world. And yet, this is exactly part of the “challenge” that I signed up for when I decided to come to Argentina. I wanted to be stretched and to grow in ways that could only happen in a place and culture and people much different than my own. I do not fully know what God desires to do in me, how He wants to change me and refine me, but I know that it is happening and I am grateful.

Things have definitely taken a turn for the better in the last few weeks, thanks to God! Relationships are deepening; my Spanish is improving slowly; and I have been able to contribute more and help in the ministry here. I continue to play bass with the band each Sunday night. Also, I am still giving music lessons on bass, violin and flute, as well as tutoring a few people in English. Recently, as the church began a new teaching series, I have been able to assist with some basic programming for the services. I have also created the powerpoint slides for the messages each week in this series and helped with a stage change.

Some of the everyday life things that are different here include walking to and from the church much of the time…about 10 blocks. I enjoy using this as exercise and also to wake me up of the mornings, ha! Also, walking to get groceries and other necessities…I’m getting my money’s worth out of my $2.50 backpack (yes, it was a crazy clearance sale a couple years ago…but wow…it has done it’s job well!). I have learned to cook a few things with different resources, ingredients, and methods. I can cook, but I don’t love it…so this has been an area of growth for sure! My mom’s meatloaf and chocolate chip cookie recipes have been well-received here! When it is warmer here (in the 70s), there is so much humidity that the floors are wet. When it is cooler or rainy, it is difficult to stay warm! I never thought that I would be wearing a scarf when the temperatures were in the 50s, but here, it is foolish not to (keep in mind that 50s outside pretty much equals 50s inside too). Today is it raining hard and even hailing a bit. This turns a town with dirt roads into a great place for mud-bogging…but I digress. The dogs roam the neighborhoods freely and often I am accompanied to and from the church by the 3 faithful “friends” that live with the pastors (those of you who know my lack of love for animals can laugh with me). But even more, there are a few horses that roam around the neighborhood as well!!

I really like Colón. It is a peaceful, safe, small town kind of place. The houses are close together and it is easy to get by without a car. I’m here in their winter, so I’m sure it’s even more magnificent in summer time when the weather is great and everyone enjoys the beach on the river that is 2 blocks from where I live. I also love the church here. It is a large, tight family, where the people are very invested in one another. I have been inspired by the devotion and dedication that these people have for their church, serving many days of the week. It is such a privilege to see God at work here in Colón!

In the days to come, I hope to share some more specific tidbits and some photos to go with them. Thank you so much for reading and praying! More to come…

Unfortunately, this will be a short post because I am leaving in about 5 hours to go on vacation with Felipe, Lorena and their 6-year-old daughter Zoe…and of course I still have some packing to do. We are driving 12 hours north to Iguazu Falls. It is quite a privilege for me to have this opportunity to join them on vacation and to go to a place such as this! I am very excited!

I will try to give you a few highlights and promise to share more details after vacation! This past week I was able to settle into my apartment after staying with a couple families for three weeks. I have shared many meals with many families and look forward to continuing to build relationships with the people of Ríos de Vida (the church) once we return from vacation. I have been playing bass with the worship team each Sunday, as well as giving bass, violin, flute and percussion lessons. This past week I began teaching two levels of English as well, and I learned as much Spanish in these classes as they did English, ha! It feels like it has been a slow start, but things are moving along now. I am understanding the language better, but still struggle to speak and express myself as much as I’d like to. Those who know me well can laugh with me as you know how hard it must be for me to not be able to talk much!

More stories coming soon! Here are a few pics for now…
Thanks for all of your prayers, encouragement and support!!

One song I ran across sounded a little familiar musically, but I do not think there is an English version. This song grabbed my heart musically and vocally. I didn’t know what it meant when I first heard it but it moved my soul and I knew it was powerful. Immediately I thought of one of my favorite vocalists, my friend Heather, because she could “own” this song…no doubt!

Last night, while skyping with my friend Max in Argentina, he shared a youtube link to this very same song. Again I was deeply moved, but this time it was from watching this young worship leader bear her soul in worship.

My response? Well, several things…I watched the video many times. I purchased the song on iTunes and then set it on “repeat 1″ while I googled the lyrics and chords so that I could sing and play along. These lyrics are so powerful…this is my prayer, the cry of my heart. On my way to church this morning, I had this cranked up full blast. After worshiping with people I love dearly (and whom I already miss greatly), I turned it up again on the way home and the tears flowed down my cheeks…my heart so full of love for our God…blown away by the way He is at work in our lives…and imagining all of us worshiping together some day, in all languages…forever…

I translated the lyrics so that I could share it with all of you. I truly hope that it blesses you as much as it is blessing me right now. Here’s a link to the video and the lyrics are below. I pray that this is the cry of your heart too. Let me know what you think!

Perfume a Tus Pies

Verse 1:
Cuando pienso en Tu amor y en Tu fidelidad,
no puedo hacer más que postrarme y adorar
When I think of Your love and of Your faithfulness,
I can not do more than bow down and worship
Y cuando pienso en como he sido
y hasta donde me has traído, me asombro de Tí
And when I think of how I was
and how far You have brought me, I’m amazed by You

Pre-Chorus:
Y no me quiero conformar,
he probado y quiero más
And I will not settle,
I tried and I want more

Chorus:
Yo quiero enamorarme más de Tí, enséñame a amarte
y a vivir conforme a Tu justicia y Tu verdad
I want to fall in love more with You, teach me to love You
and to live according to Your justice and Your truth
Con mi vida quiero adorar, con todo lo que tengo
y lo que soy, todo lo que he sido Te lo doy
With my life I want to worship, with everything I have
and all that I am, everything I’ve been I give to You
Que mi vida sea para Tí como un perfume a Tus pies
That my life may be for You like perfume upon Your feet

Verse 2:
Cuando pienso en Tu cruz y en todo lo que has dado,
Tu sangre por mí, por llevar mi pecado
When I think of Your cross and of everything that You’ve given,
Your blood for me, to take away my sin
Y cuando pienso en Tu mano,
hasta aquí hemos llegado por Tu fidelidad
And when I think of Your hand,
we’ve come this far because of Your faithfulness

Pre-Chorus
Chorus 2x
Verse 2
Pre-Chorus
Chorus 2x

In January 2003, I found myself driving 1000 miles away from home to begin what would become an amazing eight-year chapter of my life. My time here in New Hampshire began with an internship at Manchester Christian Church, which led to me joining the staff. I came with a plan for four months and stayed here for eight years! These last eight years have been an awesome experience with much growth, development, learning, and amazing relationships. It has been an honor and privilege to be one small part of the grand work that God has been doing here in New England. Over the last year, God has been preparing MCC for the future and as a result, we have seen many changes. Personally, I have experienced a tough season of “goodbyes” to several close friends and coworkers. After several months of reflecting and listening for God’s direction for my future, it became clear to me that it was also time for me to move on. But I did not know what was next…

During this last year, God has grown my confidence in discerning His voice. But with this comes the need for courage to respond and take action, usually in form of a risky “leap of faith”. I can definitely say that this past year has been a journey of many leaps of faith, and it has been amazing to watch God’s faithful response to each little leap that I take.

In March, a friend and I joined a mission team from Saddleback Church in California to go to Argentina for a week. Last November, I knew I needed to go to Argentina once I heard about the opportunity, even though I was not exactly sure why. Now I know why. It was on this trip, in the midst of my final months with MCC, that God allowed my life to cross paths with some amazing pastors from whom I could learn much. They are the kind of people that you just want to spend more time with because you want to be like them. I was also reminded of my passion and love for “the local church”…wherever that may be.

As I was returning home after our time in Argentina, I began to realize that going back and spending more time with these wonderful people is exactly what my next step should be. So, on June 8th, I will return to Argentina with the intent of staying for 3 months, but I remain very open to how God leads. I am so excited to see how God wants to grow me and teach me during my time there. I will be living with Felipe and Lorena Torres who are the pastors of the Ríos de Vida church in Colón, Entre Ríos, Argentina. I will be learning from and working with them in the church, probably helping with music, teaching English and sharing ideas in general. I know without a doubt that this is exactly where God wants me to be these next few months.

I am still discerning what my next step will be, but I am trusting God and enjoying the journey one step at a time. At this point, I sense that there are two main options to consider. First, there is the possibility of staying longer in Argentina and continuing to work with the church and the people there, if God gives me a clear purpose and makes a way for this to happen. The second option is an opportunity in New York, to work with a growing church there. I visited with some friends there this past weekend and really love the team and vision of this church. Either option would be wonderful! What I know for sure is that I should not make a decision until I am in Argentina, probably around July or August. I know that God will give me clarity…I have seen His faithfulness in doing so these last several months!

Some have asked how they can be involved specifically to support me. Here are a few ways if you would like to be involved. First of all, your prayers would be a huge gift to me as I adjust to a new culture and continue to learn the language (Spanish), as well as discern what my next steps should be. Secondly, I would love to keep in touch with you while I am away and hope to blog updates occasionally as well. I have listed my contact info below. Lastly, if you are interested in supporting me financially, I estimate the cost of my 3 months in Argentina to be about $3500 (airfare, insurance, supplies, food, etc.). The details are below if you would like to respond in this way.

Above all, I am grateful for who you are to me and the part that you have played in my life! I would not be the person that I am today without your influence, encouragement, support, and love. Thank you for reading my update and I hope you share in my excitement for what’s to come in this next chapter of life!

Contact Info:
Email: micheledownen@gmail.com
Skype: downen99

Financial Support Info:
Please write checks to “MCC” (memo line must be blank)
and mail directly to me by May 31st (yes, that is really soon!)
65 Hackett Hill Road
Hooksett, NH 03106

heart ache, heart break
breaking down
crying out
alone.

unfulfilled dreams
clarity nowhere to be found
heavy conversations
exhaustion
suffocating despair
emotional roller coaster rides

weakness
disappointment
skepticism
weariness
brokenness
…unwelcome change.

But 2010…YOU…ARE…OVER!!! Done!
2011 has replaced you.
A fresh start, new mercy
Full of hope, anticipation, excitement, gratitude, clarity.
A new day.

The desert has left me forever changed
Struggling to live, yet far from death
Pressed but not crushed or destroyed
Barely hanging on, yet still victorious.

Though I will never be the same, I will persevere
With the strength only acquired on such a journey of pain.
Forever, my hope is Christ!
Our God is greater and stronger, higher than any other!
Our God is Healer, awesome in power…that’s our God!
So take my life and let it be all for You and for Your glory,
Take my life and let it be Yours!

Take that 2010!
Out with the old, in with the new!
He restores my soul.
Alright 2011…let’s do this.

anyways…back to the subject of change…sigh…I can handle this kind of change. this kind of change is one where I can wholeheartedly, without-a-doubtedly agree that change is “good”. if only every change felt this good…

(credit to Tim & Christina Lewis & the redesign company for inspiration on “home” and creating space that you love to do life in…mwah!)

These songs give me hope…enjoy!

NEW YEAR (by Charlie Hall)
::listen here::

my heart beats like a drum, flying up with the sun
i grab Your hand again
renovated with life, my eyes again bright
and You are radiant

where hope can hold the hand of sorrow
and we can walk into tomorrow
where peace is found in troubled days
and the joy of Jesus carries pain

this is a new year, this is a new day
to rise, shine, lift up your eyes
this is a new year, this is a new day
to rise, shine, and point the way to God’s great life

I’m held in a place, a beautiful space
where heaven meets the earth
my heart opens wide and the Father pours life
deep inside my soul

where hope can hold the hand of sorrow
and we can walk into tomorrow
where peace is found in troubled days
and the joy of Jesus carries pain

this is a new year, this is a new day
to rise, shine, lift up your eyes
this is a new year, this is a new day
to rise, shine, and point the way to God’s great life

IT’S A NEW DAY (by Robbie Seay band)
::listen here::

i’m gonna sing this song to let you know that you’re not alone
and if you’re like me you need hope, coffee, and melody
so sit back down, let the world keep spinning ‘round
for yesterday’s gone and today is waiting on you to show your face

and it might not be the prettiest thing that you’ll ever see
but it’s a new day, oh baby, it’s a new day
and it might not look like a beautiful sunrise
but it’s a new day, oh baby, it’s a new day

i’m a pilgrim soul, i’ve traveled far and come back home
this land is hard and cold for those who long to love
and I know it might seem that the world is crumbling
but it’s me and you dancing in the kitchen at 2 am and we’re still alive

it’s the calm of the storm that comes blowing in
it’s the springtime saying I’m back again
the clouds that roll by, crossing moonlight
me and you love – everything’s alright
standing in the rain with nowhere to go
laughing and we’re spinning and I hope that you
remember this day for the rest of your life
me and you love – everything’s gonna be alright

and it just might be the prettiest thing that you’ll ever see
well it’s a new day, oh baby, it’s a new day
if you look outside to see a beautiful sunrise
well it’s a new day, a new day, it’s a new day!

Well, all 8 of us met at Starbucks last Wednesday for the first time.  (as a sidenote, I have known 2 of them for a few years now and had also met 2 of the others recently, so they weren’t all complete strangers!)  It was so cool to simply meet new people.  I love hearing people’s stories…where they’ve come from, what they enjoy, how they ended up at this point in life doing what they do, etc.  I think we all walked away from Starbucks really excited to get to know each other more and with hopeful expectation of what God is going to do in our group over the next couple months.

We met again tonight at my place.  I normally wouldn’t think about hosting 8 people in my cozy apartment, but it was just that: cozy…like family.  We talked about what we want to do over the next several weeks and the excitement was building by the minute.  We are so pumped to realize that we’re all passionate about serving and doing things to make a difference in people’s lives.  And then we ended the night by sharing how God has worked in our lives to bring us to this point, of being in this small group.  So awesome, again, to hear the stories that God is writing…and to know that this is just a new chapter along the journey, with blank pages yet to be written.

I’m so excited.  I’m so glad each person had the courage to sign up for “the unknown”.  I’m so grateful I said “yes” before I really thought about what I was “getting myself into”.  I’m pumped that I get to link arms with Kate, Jim, Jessica, Christine, Dave, Sarah and Gregg for this season of life. I’m confident that our lives will not be the same.

God, you are SO good.  Thanks for creating us to need each other!

“Oh oh we need each other
Through all the highs and lows
Oh oh we need each other
‘Cause no one’s meant to be alone”
-from “We Need Each Other” by Sanctus Real